Witch Faith is Which? Muslims & Christians: Coven Together at Long Cast

Friendship a brewin'? After centuries of religious disagreements between Muslims and Christians, finally the two faiths have found some common ground. The first step toward unity was taken by the Sunni Muslims of Saudi Arabia, who have recently made it a practice to honor Christian tradition by systematically tracking down, and prosecuting witches.

Before you adjust your computer clock, let me reassure you. This is not the 17th century. We are still in 2008, and Britney Spears is still in rehab.

The most publicized witch hunt of late, involves a middle aged, illiterate, Saudi woman named Fawza Falih, who now faces execution. [story here] In 2005, Ms Falih was detained by the Saudi Religious Police for (among other things) making a man impotent, something that, as I tell my wife, never occurs without witchcraft being involved. Keeping with the time honored practices of the Christian Church, the Saudis made defending herself next to impossible, forcing Ms Falih to finger print a confession that she could not read, and was not even read to her. Being that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Christians the world over are taking this development as a sign that reconciliation between the two faiths may be on the horizon.

"You know, we really do have a lot in common." said Father O'Priestenson, a made up religious figure and imaginary spokesperson of the Christian faith. "I mean, both religions worship one God, we're all pretty uptight about sex, not big fans of the Jews, and we hate women. The Muslims just have the balls to take it to the next level! We used to do that." he added somberly. "But we've lost our way. We've lost our way."

Religious leaders on both sides, hope to capitalize on the current trend, and are encouraging affability. The Vatican recently stated its intentions to take the Muslims lead, and return to its more "Inquisitionary" roots. As a gesture of good will, Pope Benedict XVI plans to send Harry Potter star, Daniel Radcliff, to the Saudi Senior Council of Clerics as a gift, for them to deal with as they see fit.

The evil sorceress community, however, is less than thrilled with this development, many of them even choosing to live in hiding.

"This is a costume!" said one magical hag, when reached for comment. "We're doing Hansel and Gretel for my school play. Witches aren't real! I know that, and I'm six!" Sources report, she has become less snotty since being shipped off to Al-Hasa.

It is not known how long this run of religious amiability will last. The future is difficult to predict, particularly since, in some places, it is punishable by death. However it doesn't take an image in a bubbling cauldron for this reporter to see, that this bond will last for a very long time, providing no one brings up the topic of alcohol, television, or Jesus.

Breaking News: Bush to Commission Cloned Army

With frequent troop rotations in Iraq and Afghanistan, a recruitment slump, and the potential for an Iran war still looming on the horizon, concerns that the U.S. army may be overextended are growing.

"It's stretched to the breaking point." said Andrew Krepinevich, a retired army officer who authored a Pentagon report known as The Thin Green Line. "Any additional stress and it could completely fracture." Though he was referring to a lone paper clip that was holding together the 136-page report, he could just as easily have been speaking about the military.

Wasting no time, President Bush stated in a press conference, today, that he plans to commission a new army of super clones to aid the struggling U.S. military. These clones will, and have already been, grown and maintained by private companies similar to Blackwater and other mercenary outfits that the U.S. currently has on its payroll.

Bush touted the benefits of his new army. "Clones can think creatively, making them immensely superior to droids." he began. "They are 100% obedient, taking any order without question. They have been modified to make them less independent than the original host, Carl Rove."

The announcement has caused ripples of controversy throughout Washington. The fact that the clones are already grown, and able to be stationed, raises some questions. One being, "WTF?" another being, "Why?" Even with growth acceleration, the current batch of clones would had to have been initiated over a decade ago, meaning that the project must have been going on secretly for years. As chairman of the Democratic National Committee, Howard Dean, was quoted as saying, "Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see."

On top of this, there are fears that any army made up of hired mercenaries, cloned or not, is lacking in oversight, not beholden to the people, and could easily be used against the United States citizenry in a military coup/empire creation. However, President Bush successfully squelched those fears by promising that, although the tactic has been attempted in numerous societies, and blockbuster movies throughout history, he will never ever try it in the U.S., he pinky swears.