Breaking News: Bush to Commission Cloned Army

With frequent troop rotations in Iraq and Afghanistan, a recruitment slump, and the potential for an Iran war still looming on the horizon, concerns that the U.S. army may be overextended are growing.

"It's stretched to the breaking point." said Andrew Krepinevich, a retired army officer who authored a Pentagon report known as The Thin Green Line. "Any additional stress and it could completely fracture." Though he was referring to a lone paper clip that was holding together the 136-page report, he could just as easily have been speaking about the military.

Wasting no time, President Bush stated in a press conference, today, that he plans to commission a new army of super clones to aid the struggling U.S. military. These clones will, and have already been, grown and maintained by private companies similar to Blackwater and other mercenary outfits that the U.S. currently has on its payroll.

Bush touted the benefits of his new army. "Clones can think creatively, making them immensely superior to droids." he began. "They are 100% obedient, taking any order without question. They have been modified to make them less independent than the original host, Carl Rove."

The announcement has caused ripples of controversy throughout Washington. The fact that the clones are already grown, and able to be stationed, raises some questions. One being, "WTF?" another being, "Why?" Even with growth acceleration, the current batch of clones would had to have been initiated over a decade ago, meaning that the project must have been going on secretly for years. As chairman of the Democratic National Committee, Howard Dean, was quoted as saying, "Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see."

On top of this, there are fears that any army made up of hired mercenaries, cloned or not, is lacking in oversight, not beholden to the people, and could easily be used against the United States citizenry in a military coup/empire creation. However, President Bush successfully squelched those fears by promising that, although the tactic has been attempted in numerous societies, and blockbuster movies throughout history, he will never ever try it in the U.S., he pinky swears.